While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
