I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
