that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
