i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
