Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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