does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
