that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
where are you?
Hypothermia
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
