summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
