Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
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