Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
