I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
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The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
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You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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