I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
