your parents love me but you hate me
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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