Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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