So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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