So drunk its hurt
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
