i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
