But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
