Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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