I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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