my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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