Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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