So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
