What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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