see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
