I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
A bitchslap is in order.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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