My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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