Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
