So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
