Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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