You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
