dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
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he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
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I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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