he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
this is an emotional support booty call
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize