I'm so fucking centered right now
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
