On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
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