so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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