There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
All I want is dick and wine.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
