she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
