My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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