Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
