My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
