Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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