so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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