I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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