she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
