I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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