We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
