Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
