Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
