I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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