How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
