in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
