At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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