He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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