who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
