Jerry, you need to find god
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
home. puking in laundry basket.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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