Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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