Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
