My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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