you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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