just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
