Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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