Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
