Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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