i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
