OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
All the doctor said was why
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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