i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.