I hate your face
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.