it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis