I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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