i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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