His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
