it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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