dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
