I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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