You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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