she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
