Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
