I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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