i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We have started to decorate penises.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
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